Mothers and Daughters
What exactly is a good mother? We've read about tiger moms and dragon moms and tucked between them, the more ordinary women whom I suspect are more like your mother or mine. So, who is this good mother and is the mask she wears stern and demanding, or cool and permissive? Chances are, seeking balance, she swaps them out depending on which way the trade winds blow. Motherhood does not come with an instruction manual and the primal relationship between a mother and a daughter is fraught with speed bumps as the struggle for control and rebellion play themselves out. Often language gets in the way and what one says is not what the other hears. Expectations, hers of you and you of hers, create walls that must be scaled once they are built, and small, silly things become lumbering giants intent on slaying anything or anyone that gets in their way. No mother or daughter starts the morning with the conscious intent of spoiling the other's day, though it might sometimes seem that way. Once the mother's need to protect is seen as controlling and a daughter's need for independence is seen as rebellion, it is game set and match for everyone involved and there are no winners. Forty-five years ago, Nancy Friday wrote "My Mother/My Self", a book that explored the unique interaction between mother and daughter and the real need for daughters to create identities separate from their mother's. However, she also emphasized that a mother's greatest gift to her child is an early unquestioning love so firmly rooted that nothing can cause it to be lost. That is the basis on which trust and the strength of future relationships will be built. From my perspective, I wish we could hear more about the mothers and daughters who have bridged the divide and become friends once the angst of those early years fades away. And because I am me, and some miracle of fate has left my daughters and me on level ground, I go looking for "proof", for stories if you will, that show those still engaged in the battle that the war can be won. I rarely ask you to give me five minutes of your time, but I am going to ask that of you today. Please, mothers and daughters alike, listen to Deb Cooperman read "Walking Through the Mist."
Just a reminder. I'm making a few small changes to my blog. I am going to use Wednesday's post to feature things that have caught my attention and that I want to share with you. Sometimes it will be a story, another time it may be an observation or a link to another blog that has a special recipe or has something really interesting to report. I'll also be sharing utensils or appliances that make work in the kitchen easier or the finished result prettier to look at. The important thing for you to know is that whatever appears here on a Wednesday will not be a sponsored post, and if I'm sharing a book or a product it is because I want to, not because I'm being paid to do so.
One Year Ago Today: Two Years Ago Today:Asian Shrimp Omelet Oatmeal Refrigerator Cookies
Three Years Ago Today: Four Years Ago Today:Sticky Buns Blueberry and Almond Coffee Cake